Monday 15 April 2013

If Only I'd Known ...

To mark the launch of their new 'Preparing for Birth' app, Aptaclub have teamed up with Little Stuff to host a fun blogger competition called "If Only I'd Known ...". The app is designed to help new mums through the final trimester of pregnancy and beyond, offering (amongst other things) editable checklists, tips and hints, a contraction timer and birth announcement feature. You can find out more about the app in the trailer below :

The competition is inviting bloggers to respond to the prompt 'If Only I'd Known ...'. Well, having had three kids, the youngest of whom is now a big boy aged three, I have enough hindsight to be able to look back with humour ... although I remember how utterly desperate sleep-deprivation and raging hormones make you feel at the time. My one piece of serious "If only I'd known ..." advice would be, there is no perfect way of being a parent. Everyone, from people in the medical profession to online parenting forums and well-meaning friends and relatives, will have their own advice on how to do things "the right way". By all means listen to them, but above all, trust your own maternal instinct and whatever you do, don't beat yourself up - you don't need to be perfect, just good enough.

So, on to my entry !

If Only I'd Known ...

Becoming a mum's an emotional rollercoaster ride
You're not in control and there's nowhere to hide !
Ante-natal classes are great for the theory
But nothing can prepare you for being hormonal and teary.
So grab yourself a cuppa and unplug the phone,
Sit right down and read my list of things I wish I'd known ...

Top of my list is: The biggest luxury is sleep.
Going without for days on end will make you want to weep.
Mummy-brain is not just a myth, it's a fact of new-parent life
Which can sometimes be quite funny or get you in serious strife.
You'll walk into a room then not remember why you're there
But you'll be feeling so tired, you really couldn't care.
When well-meaning friends ask "is there something you could use?",
Whimper "forget the gift, just come over so I can have a snooze".

The second thing to know is : You no longer have privacy.
Hospital gowns are the start with your bum hanging out for the world to see !
It doesn't get better once the baby's been born,
Midwives prodding your boobs to check your milk is the norm.
Then your cherubs get older and accompany you to public loos,
Speaking in loud voices about your hairy bum and stinky poos !

Next up is : Your body will never be quite the same.
Your stomach stretched beyond recognition, you're really not to blame.
Stretch marks will fade to silver but they won't go away
Just hope that zebra print is the fashionable look of the day !
Your milk ducts will take on a life of their own
As soon as baby cries, they become the best water pistols ever known !

But despite all the hardships, lack of dignity and pain,
The projectile vomiting, yellow poo and sleep-deprived brain,
The knowledge that as soon as you lock the toilet door, you'll hear cries of "Muuuuum!"
And the hours spent wiping baby's filthy nose and bum,
The one thing that all mums will have set in stone
Is that we'd do it all again, even if we had known !

Disclosure : This post is Madhouse Family Reviews' entry into the Aptaclub ‘If Only I’d Known…’ competition. To find out more, click here.

Other blogposts you may be interested in :

Remember The Motherhood rap? Get ready for The Fatherhood !

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